Netflix’s Fatal Seduction: With saucy narration and sweaty sex montages it’s bad TV, but we’ll tag along for the ride

By the time we get to the third word (unprintable here, I’m afraid), it’s obvious to anyone with eyes and ears that Fatal Seduction is not going to be the sort of show you watch with your parents.

The opening segment is a hoot. Remember how old-school title sequences would include clips of our favourite characters laughing and posing for the camera?

It’s like that, but instead of laughing and posing, the beautiful Fatal Seduction line-up is introduced via saucy narration and sweaty sex montages.

Everyone is at it, and they all appear to be moving in slow motion. This steamy, fun-filled exercise concludes with someone on a hospital stretcher and someone else being carted off in the back of a police van.

“Everyone is at it, and they all appear to be moving in slow motion"

Have no fear — Fatal Seduction is not, as you might have thought, a series about painful sex injuries, but instead, a show about a woman who has a one-night stand with ‘Mr Wrong’.

Yes, it is a South African remake of the 2020 Mexican thriller, Dark Desire (another Netflix smash). No, it’s nowhere near as funny as the streamer’s other popular sexy drama, Sex/Life. But it might get there.

The story, such as it is, concerns a wealthy Cape Town couple, Nandi Mahlati (Kgomotso Christopher) and her husband Leonard (Thapelo Mokoena). She is a university law professor, he is an important judge whose licence plate literally reads ‘JUDGE’.

Feverish flashbacks inform us that Nandi recently suffered a miscarriage. As a result, Leonard — an unsupportive tool — has grown cold and distant, and Nandi suspects he’s having an affair with his assistant.

A weekend getaway with her fun-loving BFF Brenda (Lunathi Mampofu) will help take her mind off things. But wait, what’s that coming over the hill?

It isn’t a monster — instead, it’s Jacob (Prince Grootboom), a walking, talking six-pack who catches Nandi’s eye at the beach. Later, they convene on a yacht (of course they do) and he impresses her with his knowledge of the law.

Eventually, Nandi gives in to temptation. Cue sex scene number one, during which Nandi smashes a wine glass and Jacob tears her dress. There is, as I’m sure you’ll notice, a blatant disregard for personal belongings in this series, but let’s not get distracted.

A delicious twist is coming, and everyone’s lives are about to change. The following Monday, Nandi shows up at a lecture to discover a new student in her class. It’s only bloomin’ Jacob, and he’s looking very pleased with himself indeed.

Things get worse. Later that day, Brenda is found dead in her bathtub. All signs point towards suicide, but Nandi refuses to believe it.

Luckily, Jacob provides a shoulder to cry on (among other things), but can this part-time law student, full-time sexy mechanic be trusted? Judging by all those hand-drawn Nandi pictures on his desk, my guess is no.

Throw in a private investigator brother (Nat Ramabulana’s Vuyo), a murder-themed subplot and a curious teenage daughter (Ngele Ramulondi’s Zinhle) with a secret admirer, and you have yourself a proper little mystery.

The Fatal Attraction comparisons are inevitable. It would be unfair to criticise this over-cooked, straight-faced melodrama for its inherent soapiness.

That would be like dissing a Tom Cruise picture for having too many scenes of Tom Cruise running away from explosions. These things are expected — it’s why we watch them in the first place.

Fatal Seduction is bad television, but I think it knows that. Sometimes you wish the actors were given a second chance to deliver their clunky lines. Sometimes the lines don’t matter. So long as everyone gets the job done, so to speak, then we’re all good.

Full marks to our handsome line-up for at least trying to make the sexy-time look comfortable. In one scene, Nandi and Jacob do it on the hood of a car.

It’s the strangest thing to happen in a mechanic’s shop since Grease, but somehow, our committed leads make it work. Nobody falls off the vehicle. Bravo, indeed.

A quick glance at this week’s Netflix telly charts shows Fatal Seduction riding high near the top. Yep, we get the television we deserve — best of luck with it.

Fatal Seduction is now streaming on Netflix.

Rating: Two stars